What
does it mean to “be a man?”
Our
culture tells us that men behave in certain ways and they criticize those who
deviate from the norm as being “unmanly.” Some of you may be confused why I (as
a female) even care about this topic. And in fact, I’ve agonized over creating
this post for months partly because of that and out of fear of what you may
think of me when I tell you about my experience with discussions on masculinity
and feminism.
For
some of you, what I’m about to say may sound like common sense. But others of
you may be questioning your stance on these topics or haven’t thought much
about them until now. Whatever reason you decided to read this, I genuinely
believe that God has been doing a radical work in my life in this area and I
feel called to share some of the new insights I’ve been learning.
The
topic of manhood can be very touchy in this day and age. As can the topic of
feminism. To be honest, when I attended college, I brought with me some
interesting stereotypes and assumptions about men that were quickly challenged
by both my peers and classes. I had a pretty close-minded view of what a “man”
was and what kinds of character qualities a “man” has. After being called out
repeatedly for years and being preached to about the equality between men and
women, I came across a book entitled, Malestrom. The book is written by a female, but the author genuinely has done her research and strives to be an advocate for the men in her life that have been affected by the distorted 'boy code' and ways that society has tried to define masculinity.
The
inside cover of the book asks the question “what does it mean to be a man?” in
a biblical sense. Some of you may not like that last part… However, If we
believe in a God that created us, then we need to believe that He had a vision
in mind of what a “man” and what a “woman” should be like.
The
author argues that historical patriarchy (a system governed by man) threatens
God’s design of what Biblical manhood should be. She uses the analogy of a
maelstrom (or a powerful whirlpool) to emphasize her point. She states, “The
malestrom is the particular ways in which the Fall of man impacts the male of
the human species – causing a man to lose himself, his identity and purpose as
a man, and above all to lose sight of God’s original vision for his sons (Malestrom, James, p.
18).”
You
see, God created mankind in his image (imago dei).
Meaning, He gave us worth and He declared humanity’s primary identity
is defined as being made in God’s likeness (humans share character
qualities with the Creator of the universe that animals don't).
What
changed from the beginning of time until now is that sin entered the world and
tainted man’s view of himself and his status in relationship to others
(including women). The patriarchy found in the Bible was not God’s original
intention, but a result of the Fall of humanity. It was part of the curse in
Genesis 3. God’s original design was much different than the power over
approach that many people (including Christians) have tried to say is “natural”
when discussing the roles of men and women.
The
author states, “the Bible doesn’t present different or competing visions for
God’s sons and daughters. God’s vision for his world is singular, whole, and
unified. Male and female callings are not separate issues. They are interwoven,
interdependent, and inseparable in the Bible. God didn’t create a
world where one gender can flourish at the expense of the other. In God’s
world, the true flourishing of one depends on and promote the full flourishing
of the other. In fact, God’s kingdom purposes for the world hinge on how well
we both flourish and pull together to serve him (p. 26-27).”
The
author also quotes David Fitch in saying, “The New Testament church is not
about whether women should be “over” men or men ‘over’ women. It is about
eliminating the ‘over’ entirely. It is about abolishing the politics of anybody
being over anybody…too often however the complementarian/egalitarian logic
thwarts this dynamic. “Complementarian’ approaches to leadership keep hierarchy
(and thereby patriarchy) in place. “Egalitarian’ approaches to leadership often
(unintentionally) become the means to ensconce ‘male dominant’ ways/structures
of leadership and then invite women into them.” (p. 69)
When
we think of man’s relationship to woman, it’s important that we look to the
state of humanity before the introduction of sin into the world. That means
going back to Genesis 2, where God said “It is not good for the man to be
alone. I will make a helper (Ezer) suitable (kenegdo) for him.”
In
Malestrom, the author states how the definition of ‘ezer kenegdo’
connotes active intervention on behalf of someone, especially in military
contexts…Ezer is
an explicit way that God’s daughters are called to image God. She is a warrior
on behalf of God’s kingdom and joins the man in battling the darkness,
advancing God’s kingdom, and watching his back…Kenegdo implies
she’s the man’s full partner. She is neither the man’s inferior, nor his
superior. She is his match” (unlike the animals who were created separately and
were not enough help) (p.51).
Men and women need one
another. They have unique roles that can be united to achieve great
things. In Malestrom, the author
talks about some great examples of men who strived to serve God and others (including
the women in their lives) in profound, countercultural ways.
When we think of what
a man should be and how he should act, we can look to some examples in the Bible
for insights into who God designed man to be (spoiler alert: one of them is Jesus!). Not in a way that shames or tries
to put modern-day men in boxes, but in a way that encourages growth and healing
in the lives of both men and women.
The breadth of this topic cannot be covered in a single post, so I’ll be continuing this discussion of what it means to “be
a man” in a future post. In the meantime, I pray that as you reflect over your own assumptions
about masculinity and feminism, you can come to a conclusion that allows you to
love and lead others well. Thank you for reading and the ways you are trying to
rethink your views of humanity to better serve others.
Love always,
Danielle Marie
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